I love my life. I have never been able to say that. Ever. Things aren't perfect. I'm not living in a fairytale. But for the first time ever, I feel...content. Sure I'm jobless. And homeless, sort of. But life is good.
I didn't expect it to take so long to find a job. I keep telling myself that something great is just around the corner. Well, I did that for the first month. Now I envision myself flipping burgers. Until one or the other happens, I am living with one of the two of my closest girlfriends. (I've never made girlfriends easily so I feel blessed to be able to say I have two.) I'm living with her, her husband (thankfully he appears to like me) and their three kids. That's four kids when you count my seven year old. I hope the job thing smooths out soon because I wake up every morning thinking this will be the day that they get seriously tired of my ass being around all the damn time.
I'm very grateful to them. When The Ass (as he will now be known as) and I sold our home we split a nice profit from it. I paid off my half of our debts and moved half-way across the country. I was hoping to keep as much of the remainder as possible to use as a down payment on another home. For now I am living off of that savings because, again, no job. No job means no home. No home means living with friends. But I am free of a soul-sucking marriage. I have wonderful, wonderful friends. I have no debt. I am rekindling old friendships that I let go of in the sake of not rocking the boat in the soul-sucking marriage. I am living life and enjoying every moment of it. I have done more and been out more in the past six weeks than I ever have before in my life. It feels damn good to say, "Yes!" to invitations, to have an actual social life, to see my baby girl enjoying herself so much. She smiles so much, has so many kids around to play with all of the time, and has quite the tan going on.
I feel so lame not spouting the angst. I still have it. The Ass is never going to be completely out of the picture since we have a child together. And he does cause moments of rage. But I feel no desire to write about those right now. It seems I've become one of those weirdos that understand there are things in this world to be extremely grateful for and not to take them for granted. I wonder if I have to learn a secret handshake now or something. Better not to learn as they will probably kick me out of that club as soon as my "vacation" ends and I find myself sitting in hours of traffic and listening to assinine co-workers stories about their cats and shit.